Saturday, January 30, 2016

Humility Through Trials

The Book of Mormon tells the story of an ancient Prophet named Lehi, who left Jerusalem and travelled to a Promised Land. As I mentioned in my last post, Lehi had a couple of sons who were rebellious, Laman and Lemuel,  and a couple of sons who were much more obedient and faithful, Nephi and Sam.  Two more sons were born in the wilderness and were named Jacob and Joseph.

After some time of travelling in the wilderness, they came to the land Bountiful, where they beheld a sea. (1 Nephi 17:5) .  After they had been there for the space of many days, Nephi was commanded to build a ship, to carry the family across the waters to a new land (1 Nephi 17:8). His older brothers didn't think that he could do this, but Nephi went to the Lord and asked where he should go to find the materials to build the ship.  With the help of his humbled brothers, he built it not after the manner of man, but after the manner that God commanded him (1 Nephi 18:2).

Once the ship was finished, the ship was load with provisions of fruits and meats from the wilderness, and an abundance of honey, along with seeds and other provisions that the Lord had commanded them to bring. The family set sail and were driven forth with the wind towards the Promised Land (1 Nephi 18:8).

After several days at sea, Nephi's older brothers, and other men and their wives on the ship began to make merry, dancing and singing, and speaking with much rudeness.  They forgot by what power, the Lord's, that they had been brought forth out of the land. Nephi was afraid that God would be unhappy with them, and he began to speak soberly to them, perhaps to chastise them. They were not so thrilled that their younger brother was being a ruler over them.  Laman and Lemuel took cords and bound Nephi so that he could not move.

The family had been guided throughout their journey by the Liahona, a ball of curious workmanship, a compass of sorts which only worked when they were righteous. Once Nephi was bound, the Liahona ceased to direct them which way to point the ship (1 Nephi 18:12).  A storm also arose, and the ship was tossed by the waves and they were driven back for three days. The older brothers began to fear they would be drowned in the sea, but still they did not loose the bands restraining Nephi.

After four days, the tempest grew exceedingly strong, and the ship was about to be swallowed up by the sea. Nephi's brethren finally realized that they must humble themselves and repent of their wickedness so that they would not perish (1 Nephi 18:15).  They finally released Nephi from the bands on his hands and his feet. Nephi's hands and feet were swollen and exceedingly sore.

1 Nephi 18:16 says "Nevertheless, I (Nephi) did look unto my God and I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions.

I try to imagine what Nephi may have felt during those 3-4 days of being tied up by his brethren. Because he was a humble and obedient man, I doubt that he was continually berating his brethren, or telling them how dumb they were and how great he himself was.  He didn't tell them that they had better let him go, or "I hope you learn your lesson. " I doubt also that he continually complained in prayer to God... wondering why he had to endure this trial at the hands of his brethren.. "Why me?" perhaps never crossed his mind.  Nephi had seen visions of the future, as had his father, and he had faith in the Lord that he would be delivered.

What can we learn from Nephi about enduring trials?  When this trial was over he still praised God. Because Nephi had been taught of goodly parents (1 Nephi 1:1) he had seen visions and had a great knowledge of the Lord and His goodness. He had been blessed throughout his life and knew that God was aware of him.  Therefore when those trials came, he endured them with patience.

Several years ago, I suffered from a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia. It is a condition that causes sharp electrial pains in my face that were almost debilitating. I could not take over the counter medications to relieve the pain, since it was nerve based, but eventually I received prescriptions that somewhat helped. The pain would often interrupt my speaking, and eating, as I cringed and rubbed my face to try and relieve the pain. I couldn't drink from a straw, and it was often hard to even kiss my husband, because my face was very sensitive to touch.  I tried not to complain, and perhaps that saved my children from knowing how badly it really hurt. My husband, of course, was aware of my struggles.  It also did not help me feel better if I complained, nor did it make any of the pain go away. I assumed that there must be something that I needed to learn from that trial, but that lesson came years later.

After a few years of inconsistent periods of flare ups, I was able to receive a life altering procedure, called Gamma Knife surgery. This deadened the nerve that was causing the pain... it was amazing, and made life so much easier.

I firmly believe that I was given that trial to endure so that later, when Mark was enduring the pain and suffering of his cancer and it's treatments, I was much better able to have compassion for him. I think I was a better caregiver because I understood what it was like to be in pain.  When he had times that he was grumpy and irritated because of what he was enduring, I did not take it personally and get grumpy back. I'll also say that he pretty much kept his complaining between the two of us, and kept a face of faith to those around us. He received many Priesthood blessings to help give him courage and strength to endure.  Although Mark's deliverance from the trial he endured was death, he was an example to me of humility through an awful trial.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Back to school again...

Here I am resurrecting my blog for the purposes of completing an assignment.

Last summer, in June maybe it was, I received a new church calling. I am a counselor in the Relief Society Presidency in the Kimball Stake in Mesa Arizona. Metzie Phelps is our President, an amazing lady I am happy to socialize with.  Lottie Montgomery is the 1st counselor, and I am the 2nd, and Maelynn Warren was the secretary... she has since moved from the stake and we'll be getting a new counselor this weekend.

In the fall, we attended the ward conferences in our Stake - and as part of the 3rd hour meeting, the RS Presidency was asked to share some time with the Pathway missionaries in the area, as they made a presentation to each ward.  So, I heard the Pathway message 7-8 times in a few weeks.  The Pathway program is run through BYU-I online, and is a way for individuals in the LDS church to attend college and finish their degree at a greatly reduced cost.  Pathway students attend a gathering each week, and work online to complete a religion class and another class ( general studies, English, Math) for 3 semesters and then they may matriculate on to BYU-I online.  As I heard this message again and again, I started getting that nagging that it was time for me to complete my schooling.

A little background, I attended the University of Wyoming starting in 1985, after I graduated. I had a scholarship that paid for my tuition, and so that determined I would go there.  (there's a little irony in that I had initially thought I would attend Rick's College in Rexburg, which eventually became BYU-I.  ) After 3 years of UW, I began the next fall semester, and was a little frustrated - hadn't found that special guy, and was struggling a little in my major.  My dad had once told me that he thought I would go on a mission, and I resisted that idea.  At the beginning of the semester, I prayed and told Heavenly Father, that if I didn't meet someone by the end of that year, THEN I would consider going on a mission.  Well, of course, He had different plans.  Sometime in September, or October, I was sitting next to Sister Hurst, the bishop's wife, during sacrament meeting.  I was not sitting by my friends, so perhaps I was more open to the Spirit. During that meeting, I got the distinct impression that I needed to go on a mission.  I didn't really WANT to go, but after that, I knew that the Lord wanted me to go, and so I did.  I had my mission call by Thanksgiving, and on February 1, 1989, I entered the MTC to head to the England Leeds mission.  Not a bad way to derail the finishing of college.

When I returned home, it was to Mesa Arizona. My family had moved there from Wyoming in May of 1987.  So, it was far from Wyoming, and I had no money to return to college.  I began working at waitressing again, and found a position with a bank soon after that.  I met my sweetheart Mark Brown in the fall of 1991 in a singles choir, and we married in August 1992.  I worked full time in the banking industry for many years, as Mark finished his schooling and he became an accountant.  Our beautiful children were born along the way, Brennan in 1994, Jessica in 1997, and Mallory in 2001.  I loved taking care of my husband and children, and working, though occasionally the thought would come of someday finishing my degrees.  I was established in my profession, and was making good money, so it wasn't terribly important at the time.

Fast forward a few years, and a wrench was thrown into my plan of my happy family life.  My dear Mark was diagnosed with a Ewing's Sarcoma tumor in his calf, in May of 2012.   After two and a half years of battling that awful cancer, he died in October of 2014.  I was fortunate to have been working part time during those few years, as he was working at Banner in Healthcare Finance to support our family, and therefore able to spend a good amount of time taking care of him and our family.  I was also fortunate upon his passing to have the means to pay off our mortgage, and therefore our monthly budget wasn't as strained with only my salary.  I was approached by my employer, a non profit tuition organization, to work full time, and receive insurance benefits, which I accepted and am grateful for.

So, now, as I have sent my Jessica off to college at Utah State University in Logan, Brennan has returned from his mission in Sweden and started classes at Arizona State University, and Mallory is a freshman at Mesa High School, I found myself ready to continue my education again.  I am certain that the time was not right when my children were younger to complete my degree - it would have taken me away from spending time with them, and also the time I had to be with my sweetheart.  I do believe that the Lord had a hand in that.

So...as I have begun this classwork through Pathway, one of the assignments is to Put it All Together, and I am going to do my best at that.  (hence the resurrection of the blog...)

The lesson assignment for the Religion class, The Book of Mormon, was 1 Nephi 1-5.  Now, I probably couldn't count how many times I have read those first five books of The Book of Mormon. Probably more times than I've read the END of the Book of Mormon.

The Book of Mormon contains accounts of many people who lived in ancient times, beginning with Lehi and his family. They left Jerusalem after the Lord warned them to leave, after Lehi prophesied to the people concerning their iniquity, and they sought to take his life.  Lehi had four sons, two of whom were murmurers, not so happy with what their father was requesting them to do, and two of whom were more righteous, and willing to follow their father, and they knew he was following the Lord.

So, Lehi, took his family and departed into the wilderness, by the Red Sea. They left behind their home and property, and many belongings. The older sons, Laman and Lemuel, were not so keen at having to have left all their things, and called their father a visionary man.  1 Nephi 2:12 says they "did murmur against their father. And they did murmur because they knew not the dealings of that God who had created them."  On the flip side of that coin, Nephi was more in tune with the Spirit of the Lord.  Verse 12 in the same chapter -  "I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord" - he was more open to the teaching of his father, because he had faith.

As we discussed these few chapters in our class gathering this week, we talked about the difference between these brothers.  We decided that it came down to Pride... Laman & Lemuel were very prideful.  Perhaps being the older brothers increased their pride, and they apparently enjoyed the wealth that their family had accumulated.  So, it was quite a blow to them when they had to leave it all behind.  (They were later sent back to aquire some of those belongings, but it wasn't the easiest task to complete. )   On the other hand, Nephi and his brother Sam were much more humble.  They were not ruled by pride. They had faith and believed in the words that their father had prophesied, and knew that he would do the best for their family.

I am looking forward to a more in-depth study of the Book of Mormon. It has been a few years since I have studied it individually, or with my family. As our children grew and more involvement in school and work came about, we weren't as diligent with family study time.  I am thankful for the opportunity to learn, to teach and to share the things that I am learning with my family and others.

Amy

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Whoops... it's been awhile..

I can't believe it has been SOOO long since I updated my blog... well, I CAN believe it... I've been too busy on Facebook, and I don't consider myself much of a blogger.  I must say that I HAVE written in my journal several times in the last while, so I'm  not a TOTAL slacker at writing...

If I were to sum up the year 2012...
                    In January, Mark started a new job at Banner Health Corporation.  After he left his job at Bridgeway, he always had contract work, and we had no financial impact. There were three jobs to choose from, and the Banner job turned out to be the biggest blessing.  We prayed intently to choose the job that would be best for our family.
                    In February, I turned 45... not such a bad year... I still feel young. We passed the 6 year mark of my mother's passing.   I still miss her.
                    In March, the kids & I went camping at Workman's Creek during Spring Break with our neighbors, the Haws family. It was pretty cold at night, but we had a great time, doing a little hiking, some game playing, some movie watching, bread baking, and target (balloon) shooting.  Mark didn't get time off work since he just started his job.  I also ran my first official 10k race at the Phoenix Marathon event.  I actually came in 3rd place in my "Athena " category (over 150 lbs) and was 7th in my age category.
                    In April, I travelled to California with a bunch of ladies I did not know, save one, and ran in the Ragnar SoCal relay- it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it was lots of fun, too!  I got to know some new ladies/friends, and pushed myself thru a 10 mile leg in 90 degree heat that I thought was going to kill me.  While I was travelling back home from CA, I got a call from Mark that began a new chapter in our lives...
                   In May, Mark was diagnosed with a Ewing Sarcoma (cancer) tumor in his leg, with some lesions also visible in his lungs.  He had a port installed and began a Chemotherapy regimen of 17 cycles, in which has infusion every 3 weeks.  The hope is that the tumor will be shrunken enough to operate & remove it, but there is still the likelihood that he may lose part of his leg.  We are, however, looking on the bright side of things and striving to live with faith, not fear.  We had a good family picture taken on Memorial Day prior to Chemotherapy starting which would cause Mark to lose his hair.
                    In June... Jessica went to Girl's camp and Especially for Youth in Flagstaff- Mallory went swimming alot, and Mark began chemo at Banner MD Anderson Cancer Center.  It is the best place.. it is only 3 miles from our home, and the benefits thru Mark's employer are very good. Brennan went on a scuba diving trip to California that he had prepared for with his Priest's Quorum.
                    In July, we were sad to have to stay home from the Golding/McCabe/Sullivan reunion that was held at Flaming Gorge in Utah.  We'd been looking forward to it, but with the new job and chemo starting, we just could not get away.  Later in the month, Mark somehow got Cellulitis in his leg, which forced a 5 day hospital stay for IV antibiotics, and two weeks of home health care IV antibiotics.
                   In August - school started again, we have  Senior- Brennan, a Sophomore - Jessica, and a Sixth Grader - Mallory!  Brennan & Jessica leave for have an A Hour class which starts around 6:45, so they leave around 6:20 for school.  They have been driving my car, since I've been driving Mark to work.  
                  In September..... can't find that much that happened in September - nothing stands out.. school and work and chemo.. that's about it!
                  In October - Since we were not able to go to the family reunion in July, or take any other vacations, I was looking to get out of town. I was able to secure two sets of two tickets for General Conference in Salt Lake City.  So Mallory & Jessica & I left Friday afternoon, Oct 5th and headed for Utah. We stayed the night in St George with the Clements, then made it to SLC for Sat afternoon session - Mallory & I attended.  Then we had a quick visit with niece/cousin Annika's family, then to Cache Valley. Mallory stayed overnight with Lexi Hall in Wellsville, and Jessica & I went back to SLC in the morning for Conference. Back to Hyrum to spend the night. Drove up to the Cabin to see Josh, Alyssa & Wesley on Monday and play games. Tuesday we headed south, visited with Marcy's family in Bluffdale, saw Grma & Grpa Brown there. Weds morning we stopped to see Josh & Melissa Gustafson & Trevor & Shelly Brown & all their children - great to see them & meet their kids!  On the way home to AZ, we stopped in Cedar City to see Jenai Christensen Axelson, a mission friend who had terminal breast cancer - so glad to see her as she passed away not long after that. It was a quick trip, but was glad to get out of town, Brennan tried to take good care of Mark & help him out while I was away.
             In November - Ragnar Las Vegas was my main event - about 4 weeks prior I was approached by Jon Jamieson who needed runners for his team!  I was crazy enough to say yes, so the 8th-11th was taken up by travel time and relay running!  Had a great time- more new friends!  It was COLD and WINDY in Vegas, but having a place to sleep & shower made a difference - (didn't have that in So Cal). My first leg I was running into 35mph wind just about the whole 5+miles - it seemed like it was uphill, but it was not. Enjoyed meeting new friends on this co-ed team!  Just prior to me leaving - my dad came for a visit - he needed a getaway, and I hadn't seen him since February - it was nice to have him her for a week.
             In December - it seems that I always wait til the last minute to get ready for Christmas.. We got the tree up, but it took several days before it got decorated.  My job gets pretty busy this time of year, so I get a little occupied with that.  Mark's had a cough, we've been trying to keep him from getting sick- last week of the month he found out that he's anemic & his blood counts are really low, which means his immune system is compromised. He's stayed home from work & church, hoping to avoid sick people and infections that could be really bad for him. Christmas was not the best ever, we had some struggles, but we were together.  I had my family come for waffles on Christmas morning - so my siblings families came - fed everyone - then when they all left, The Brown family went to see The Hobbit together - it's been awhile since ALL FIVE of us went to the movies together.  As our children are getting older they are doing more on their own, so I was glad to do this activity together.  I am thankful for my sweet family, as trying as it may be sometimes.  I am grateful to be a mother - and a caregiver at this time to my husband.  We strive to have faith that this challenge will be to our benefit - that we will learn from it and that all will be well in the end.

I don't know if anyone ever reads my blog anymore... let me know if you do happen to stop by!
Happy New Year to all!  With love, from the Brown Family!



Thursday, February 09, 2012

My Oh My!!

It's been more than a year since I have blogged... I knew it had been awhile, but wasn't aware really how long it HAD been. I've gotten too involved in Facebook, so have not blogged.. It's easier to post pictures there, so that's what I've been doing..

Perhaps I need to try to get back here more often.
I don't fancy myself a writer, so that may contribute to the
fact that I don't blog much...

One of my cousin's kids, a cousin as well, asked if any of us
had blogs... so she inspired me to look... here it is! She may not
learn much about my current life, but there may be a few things
from the past few years that she might find...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

It's just a bucket...

When my mother passed away, my dad was able to sell their house, and nearly all of their belongings were packed up in a big crate, and stored away. The Lakeshore Ward Relief Society ladies came and helped pack things up, after we'd taken some of the things we wanted or that couldn't be packed. One of the things that came to my house was Mom's flour bucket. It was a clear, restaurant quality, 16 quart bucket with a tight lid - she may have had one for sugar too, but I don't know what happened to that one. It had been stored in her hall closet, so whenever she baked, which was often, out came the bucket. I'm sure a time or two she sent a grandchild to the hall closet, around the corner from the kitchen, to fetch flour for a recipe.

One habit, or practice, of my mother's that I have tried to carry on, is bread baking. She used her Grandma Bloomer's recipe - but adapted it to use powdered milk, from food storage. This is the same recipe that I use today.

Grandma Bloomer - is my Great Grandma Bloomer. My grandfather's father, Frank Arthur Mauzy White, was killed in the War (in 1918, I think..) , shortly before my grandfather, Frank Arthur White, was born. His mother was left with him as a baby, and eventually she married George Bloomer, who raised my grandfather as his own. So, my mom had her Bloomer grandparents, and she got the bread recipe from Grandma Bloomer - I am also glad that I have this recipe written in my mother's handwriting...

Anyway.. back to the bucket... I have kept it on my shelf, full of flour, or empty of flour if I've baked alot. The other week I found myself with an empty bucket, needing to go to the store for more, when I figured I should wash it out. It was getting a little grubby on the outside... after, yes, nearly 5 years of not being washed. I don't recall ever washing it since it has been here, I'm sad to say ( but flour doesn't leave stuff that dirty...you know? ) So it made me think that there were possibly some of my mom's fingerprints that I was washing from the outside of the bucket...and it got me thinking about her. I'm grateful for the little remembrances I have of her around my house, there are plenty... I'm thankful for the skills she taught me, and the recipes she left - I made her rice pudding recipe this afternoon. I hope that I am teaching my children good practices, and habits, and skills... sometimes it feels like I'm banging my head against the wall... but I know that she is cheering me on... but I still miss her.

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Happy 2011!!

I have neglected my blog for far too long... thanks to that fun spot called Facebook! I don't know if anyone still checks my blog anymore, but I am going to make a concerted effort to post more often! Wish me luck!!

For New Year's Eve, Mark & I took our girls, and cousin Aspen to the Family Dance at the Kimball Stake Center - 7-9 pm - Yahoo! There was to be a 5 stake Youth Dance afterwards, so decorations did double duty! We had fun doing all kinds of dances - the Chicken Dance, the Electric Slide, and we even tried to pull off Thriller! I learned some of the moves going to an exercise class at the church this fall, and a couple of the gals were there - Holly Ashby, who taught it to us, was not, be we tried to do what we could remember!
We came home and watched the movie Salt, with Angelina Jolie, in a spy thriller - I must have enjoyed it because it kept me awake! Normally, if we start a movie after 9 pm, I usually miss quite alot of it.

Mark & the girls went outside to ring in the new year by banging pots and pans, and seeing who in the neighborhood set off fireworks! Mark saw some floating lanterns set aloft - said it was cool! I was a chicken.. I stayed inside... it's been too cold for me. We've had some freezing temps here in AZ, which are not very often.

Brennan spent the evening, well, the night, at his friend Tanner's. He said they just listened to music and "hung out" . We tried to encourage him to go to the Youth Dance , but he and friends were not interested...

So.. there is my first post for 2011 ! Happy New Year, Friends!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I'm going back in time!

This year marks the 25th year since I graduated from good ole' Evanston High School in Evanston Wyoming! 2 years after graduating, and 2 years of University of Wyoming, my family packed up and headed for Arizona... looking for work. And now... it's home.

Anyway... I have NEVER been to a high school class reunion, because it is so far to go. However, we have been in Utah visiting in-laws during the reunion times, which is always 4th of July weekend... but I've never had the desire to go. I've kept in touch with my close friends from high school anyway.

With the advent of Facebook, I have also recently gotten in touch with many of my friends from Junior High School - from Vernal Utah. It has been great seeing where they have gone on their paths in life. When I graduated from EHS, the next day I drove to Vernal to see my friends graduate from Uintah High School . I'd wanted to go there SOOO badly. My friends Carol Jo and Paulene were older than me, so they'd gone, and told me about all the fun they had their. I'm certain I was fairly devastated when we moved after 9th grade to Evanston, and I didn't get to go to UHS.

I had lived in Vernal from 2nd grade thru 9th, so I knew alot of people and had many friends. It has been fun getting into contact with them on Facebook. I stopped to see Kim Wall and Cory Hacking in Utah last summer and really enjoyed that. So, I've become an honorary member of the UHS class of 85, and now??? I'm going to attend THAT class reunion instead of my own. I am really looking forward to it. One of my Jr High choir buddies Dana Day Romeny lives in Tucson, and we are going to drive up together the end of July!. One of the reunion activities is going down the Green River from Flaming Gorge - something I used to do with my family. I'm really looking forward to it!! I'm hoping that many of my friends from 9th grade choir will be there also...

YahoO!!! I'm excited!